Nursery Reveal for Our Rainbow Baby

Oh, where to begin with this one… We’re expecting our third baby in a few days (!!!). But it’s not actually our third baby, it’s actually our fourth. Our third baby is in heaven. But what are you supposed to say when random strangers ask you, “How many kids do you have?” Or, “Is this your first?” No, it’s my third that has made it this far, I guess. It’s my third that I will get to meet on this side of heaven (God willing). “Third” always feels like the easy answer, but to be honest, it doesn’t feel like the right answer.

But either way, I am just so grateful to be here. I am grateful to be carrying a whole human life inside of me for the fourth time. And I’m grateful for our third baby, even though we never got to meet her. I can’t explain it, but she healed something inside of me. Although we always wanted to grow our family more, we didn’t feel ready, and when we got pregnant for the third time, we were very surprised. But that baby was anything but an accident! God used her to bring me back to himself and His great design for our family—reorienting my heart in motherhood and in marriage—to desire Him, to follow Him, and to submit to Him. She was an act of grace.

But to be honest, it feels scary to even talk about this right now, before my rainbow baby is safely delivered into this world… I feel like I’m jinxing it. Which is obviously silly. And just there’s always the potential for more scary things to happen once a child is born. So I’m just going to rip the band-aid off, cast off my silly fears, and tell you our story…

Our Miscarriage

In August of 2024, we cried and rejoiced at the news of our third baby. We saw her moving around and her little heart beating at our 8-week appointment. I was viciously ill from about 7 weeks to 10 weeks. And then the day before our 12-week appointment, I started bleeding, and I knew. The next day, the nurse couldn’t find the heartbeat, so we went to get an ultrasound and confirmed what we were dreading—the baby inside me had died. Oh, there are no words to explain the feeling of carrying death around inside of you. Just no words.

We cried and we grieved in every way. Did you know that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage? We worked to reconcile that statistic with our own living experience of witnessing life and then death. We navigated the cruel medical world which named the DNC procedure to remove the baby from my body a “missed abortion”. Ugh, gross. Anything but. (Please, medical community, find a new phrase. The last thing hurting parents who loved their baby want to be reminded of is that some people in the “3 in 4” category didn’t. What a cruel, sick joke.)

We got genetic testing done and found out a few weeks later that our sweet baby was a girl with Turner’s Syndrome, which is an extremely common reason for miscarriage in the first trimester and completely spontaneous, so no increased chance of recurrence. I suppose that’s good news? I don’t know. It was hard to feel happy about anything.

Except for the grace. Because I know so many people who long for a baby via infertility, singleness, etc.—and yes, I longed for one that I would get to meet, but at least I even had the privilege of joyfully carrying her for a short time. And I truly believe her presence changed our hearts from stagnant pursuit of the things of this world to focusing back on building our family and, by extension, God’s kingdom. She was like a saving grace, so we named her accordingly: Grace.

Meanwhile, about 652 of my friends were announcing their pregnancies to me. (An exaggeration? Maybe. But it barely felt like it.) This was one of those classic situations where you feel two feelings at once—and both so deeply. While you would think they’d be at odds, they weren’t. I was truly, genuinely OVER THE MOON at each pregnancy announcement, while also feeling cut to the core at the reminder of what could have, should have been.

So of course the next baby was no accident. At that point all we wanted was to get pregnant again. And by the grace of God, we did!

Our Fourth Pregnancy

We found out about our fourth pregnancy in January. Another baby—praise the Lord! But, as anyone who has experienced pregnancy after loss would tell you, it’s a mixed bag of emotions, especially during the first trimester. We were cautiously optimistic knowing that our previous miscarriage was spontaneous and thus had no greater likelihood of recurrence. But it was also a lot of emotional (and physical!) work to experience all of those first trimester symptoms again, this time feeling much more aware of the potential for it to all be for naught.

We decided to not find out the gender. We have two boys, so I originally thought I would really want to find out, but the miscarriage changed my mind. Because, guess what, that baby was a girl… but what did it matter? I don’t mean that to sound as bad as it does, but there’s really no way to sugar-coat it: it doesn’t feel worth it to “celebrate” a gender until the baby is healthy and delivered into my arms. And honestly, the phrase, “I just want a healthy baby!” has never, ever felt more real! I fully believe that gender disappointment is a valid and real feeling—so if you want to find out gender as soon as possible, PLEASE do. It’s also just fun to plan & purchase accordingly! (As you will see in the rest of this post…lol!) But I cannot emphasize enough how much I didn’t care about gender at this point. And since my husband loves a good surprise, that’s the route we chose to take!

But, you know what they say… Man plans, God laughs. We ended up accidentally finding out our 4th baby’s gender at the 20-week anatomy scan. We left with the wonderful news that baby was healthy in every way! Such an answered prayer after months of anxiety. But thanks to a little pronoun slip on the doctor’s part, we also left with more information than we wanted: our baby is a GIRL.

Yay! (Or not? Who cares?!) We’re going to have our first girl. (Or second? I will forever feel confused answering this question…)

But absolutely yay for a healthy baby. Yay that my pregnancy has continued to full-term, and we’re still both looking and feeling healthy in every way. It is such an answered prayer, and such a beautiful miracle that I don’t take for granted. Praise the Lord!

Our Rainbow Baby

If you didn’t know, “rainbow baby” is a commonly used term for a healthy baby born to a family who has previously experienced pregnancy or infant loss, because the rainbow is the symbol of hope after a storm. We all know that the healthy baby doesn’t replace what is lost, but a healthy baby is certainly a joy and a blessing—and therefore often brings some form of hope and healing.

This term has resonated deeply with me, and I love to remember God’s covenant promised to Noah when he created the rainbow: that He will never again destroy all life. He will always rescue a remnant. There is hope on the other side of the storm.

So our fourth baby is a miraculous rainbow baby—life after death. And we can’t wait to meet her!

Pivoting Our Nursery for Our Rainbow Baby

Our nursery for our first two baby boys was animal themed. It was somewhat neutral with lots of grays and whites and jungle animals. While it was certainly cute and sufficient, I was feeling inspired to change it up and make it just a ~little~ bit more girly for our girl on the way. But I didn’t want to spend too much time, money, or effort—just a small pivot. And as I thought about the existing animal theme, I realized: Noah’s Ark is the perfect confluence of animals and rainbows. Just perfect for our rainbow baby!

So I left most of the main furniture the same but switched out the artwork and accessories to focus on rainbows and greenery—highlighting all of the life and growth and hope that this baby represents.

Keep in mind… I’m not an interior designer; I’m more of a minimalist. So this isn’t so much design inspiration as it is (1) celebrating my rainbow baby, and (2) showing you how I took a minimalist approach to redecorating this room. Enjoy!