How to Help Your Baby Sleep Their Best
My baby, Jackson, is and has always been a wonderful sleeper. And when I say wonderful, I really mean it: he was regularly sleeping 6-8 hours straight at 3 weeks, 8-10 hours at 10 weeks, and 10-12 hours at 4 months. I know, I know, I’m very lucky. But I also did a LOT of research into what facilitates good baby sleep, and I was very intentional about his sleep from the beginning. So I have to believe it wasn’t 100% luck…
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t write this post because I think I’m an awesome mom. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite that caused me to research so much about sleep in the first place! I am weak, I am inconsistent in my own habits, and I am easily grumpy. Since I know that about myself, I knew that I absolutely had to do everything I could to prioritize sleep—mine and Jackson’s. Not just for my sake, but for the sake of my whole family. So I did a TON of research about this topic. I’m still no expert, but I’m happy to share what I’ve learned from the true experts.
With these tips, I hope to help your baby sleep their best. Your baby’s best will certainly be different than that of my baby or your friend’s babies. Every baby is different and will respond differently sleep guidance. And that’s okay!
I know it’s so, so hard when you’re in the trenches of sleepless nights. And I know I was one of the lucky moms (at least, for now…), so you may not believe me when I say this, but it will get better. You may not notice it day-to-day, but eventually your baby will grow and mature, and with that they will sleep more. So keep persevering! And if you’re looking for some help in any way, then, by all means, read on…
Love Through Leadership
My fundamental approach was based on my favorite baby book, On Becoming Baby Wise by Dr. Robert Bucknam and Gary Ezzo. The book is full of good information, but what stuck out to me the most is the general principle that good parenting requires leading your child, rather than letting them lead you. As the parent, you know best, so creating boundaries, structure, and discipline that work for your child’s benefit is acting in love.
I think this principle becomes easier to understand when a child gets older. For example, if you had a 3-year-old who tried to run out into a street with busy traffic, but you stopped them from doing so, and then they cried and threw a fit, would you think you did the right thing? Yes, of course! It’s easy to see that your wisdom protected your child. But this is not so easy with a baby…
A baby only has one way to communicate: crying. They cry when they are hungry, tired, lonely, over-stimulated, in pain, bored, gassy, too hot, too cold, and so on. So you don’t always know what they need. (It’s one of the most difficult and frustrating things about the newborn days!)
But if you create structure in your baby’s day, it’s easier to know what their needs are at any given time. And as you become more confident in addressing your baby’s needs, it becomes even easier to implement that structure and associated disciplines.
This upward trend works for the benefit of everyone in the home, but especially for your baby. Babies’ bodies actually operate best within routine (i.e. sleep patterns, metabolic processing of food, etc.). So I strongly parents to lead their baby from the very beginning.
A Baby’s Routine
Order
The overall structure for a baby’s day that On Becoming Baby Wise teaches, and that I have since seen from many other resources, is the Feed-Wake-Sleep cycle. This simply means that when your baby wakes up, they should eat first, have the rest of their wake time second, and have their nap last. And then, of course, repeat.
There are various reasons for this order of things, but the biggest one is that babies eat best when they first wake up. If your baby is tired during their feeding, they will fall asleep, not get a full feeding, and then be hungry again soon—possibly even enough that it would wake them up prematurely. So, as much as is possible, you want to follow Feed-Wake-Sleep cycles to help your baby eat their best and sleep their best.
Timing
Another key component for a baby’s sleep routine (that I learned from the most wonderful baby sleep blog, Taking Cara Babies!) is wake windows. Babies have a certain amount of time that they can reasonably be awake between sleeping, and it increases as they age. The general wake windows for a baby are as follows:
| Age | Wake Window |
| 0-12 weeks | 60-90 minutes |
| 3-4 months | 75-120 minutes |
| 5-6 months | 2-3 hours |
| 7-14 months | 3-4 hours |
| 14-24 months | 4-6 hours |
Of course, every baby is different, and every day is different, so you’ll need to learn your own baby’s wake windows and what causes them to need to shorten or lengthen.
Specific Schedules
There are many sample baby sleep schedules available online. We worked primarily off of those in On Becoming Baby Wise, and we readjusted every month or so. We used the schedule as a general guideline, but not necessarily a hard-and-fast rule, because a baby’s routine should still be flexible (after all, they are a human with ever-changing needs!).
With that flexibility, it was easy for me to lose track of the timing of things (#mombrain). But I still wanted to make educated decisions about wake windows and feeding times, so I wrote down Jackson’s timing using an app called “Baby Tracker“. (There are many apps available for tracking baby activities, but this one was my favorite that I could find!) I also absolutely love our Nanit baby monitor‘s smart software—it automatically records what time your baby falls asleep and wakes up, which is simply amazing for a new mom!
Daytime Dependencies
A baby’s day is completely interdependent. How a baby eats affects how they sleep, and vice versa. Because of that, if you want to maximize your baby’s sleep, you need to maximize your baby’s feed and wake times. Here are some of my top quick tips for making the most of your baby’s daytime activities:
Feedings
- The best way to facilitate healthy feeding patterns is to always focus on giving the baby a full feeding.
- Every 2.5-3 hours is best to ensure the baby is getting a full feeding. If a baby is eating more frequently than that, they are probably snacking. (However a baby’s hunger cues should trump the clock, and there are temporary times that a baby genuinely need to eat more often, such as right after a growth spurt.)
- Know your baby’s hunger cues so that you can better distinguish if your baby is hungry or crying for another reason. Hunger cues are usually: sucking sounds, bringing hands to mouth, clenching fists, and whimpering.
- If your baby is falling asleep while eating, do your best to wake them up. Things you can try: blow on their face, take off their socks (or even more clothes, if necessary), switch sides more often, interrupt with a diaper change, etc.
Wake Time
- Natural light is helpful in teaching a baby day vs. night. Get outside as much as possible during the day to stimulate baby’s wakefulness, hopefully leaving more sleep for the nighttime hours.
- The more active a baby is during wake times, the better they will sleep. Play with your baby, talk to your baby, take them outside, change their diaper, etc.
Bedtime Strategy
A baby learns to sleep best when they learn to fall asleep on their own, rather than being prompted by external cues like rocking, feeding, being held, etc. So when it comes to naptime or bedtime, as much as is possible, it is best to set your baby down while they are still awake. Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t rock and cuddle your baby! We had a special bedtime routine that involved reading books, rocking, cuddling, and praying. After that, though, we tried to put Jackson in his crib while he was still awake so as to let him learn to fall asleep on his own.
But this approach only works if your baby is calm to begin with, which is not always easy. Soothing a baby does not come naturally to everyone, which is why I highly recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp, which provides wonderful techniques for soothing a fussy baby. (This would be especially useful for parents of a colicky baby!) The book goes into some very helpful details, so I really would recommend reading it (or listening to the audiobook—my #1 time-saving mom hack!). But, to summarize, you can soothe your newborn with the following “5 S’s”, because they activate the calming reflex by mimicking the womb environment:
- Swaddle – Wrap your baby in a tight swaddle. (Seriously, most people aren’t doing it tightly enough!) Your baby might resist at first, but it is truly best for them… it’s like a big hug!
- Shhhh – This is the sound that your baby heard for 9 months in the womb, and it was as loud as a vacuum cleaner (!!!). So providing your baby with loud white noise is actually very comforting and familiar. (Once again, most people aren’t doing it loud enough!)
- Our favorite sound machine is the Hatch.
- Sucking – Babies don’t just need their sucking reflex for eating; they need it for self-soothing, too. Enter the PACIFIER. Pacifiers are a total sanity-saver, and their pros far outweigh any potential cons. I would truly not hesitate to introduce a pacifier from the very beginning.
- The Bibs pacifiers are known for being the best for staying in baby’s mouth.
- Side/Stomach – The only safe position for a sleeping newborn is on their back. However, being on their side or stomach is more comfortable for a baby. So when you are holding your baby and trying to calm them, try facing them outwards or downwards (see examples here).
- Swing – Rocking your baby is always helpful. Fun fact: Faster & more jiggly rocking motions are better for an upset baby, whereas slower & bigger rocking motions are better for making a calm baby fall asleep.
Night Wakings
Getting your baby to fall asleep is one thing, but what do you do when your baby wakes up in the middle of the night?
If your baby still needs to eat throughout the night for nutritional reasons, and it’s been an appropriate amount of time since your last feeding, then you should feed your baby. But once you have approval from your pediatrician that you can let your baby sleep, it’s time to help your baby connect their sleep cycles.
Learning how to connect REM cycles is how babies learn to sleep through the night. The main way to help this happen is to “pause” when they first wake up and cry out. Taking a moment before you intervene will allow your baby the opportunity to fall back asleep. In fact, sometimes babies cry out while they are still sleeping, and intervening quickly actually wakes them up entirely—which is obviously not what you want to be doing!
This “pause” often means allowing your baby to fuss for a minute and taking time to evaluate the type of fussiness before deciding what to do. Newborns do not have the ability to self-soothe, but sometimes they just need to get re-situated and and then they’ll stop crying and fall back asleep, especially if they’re tired enough.
If the crying persists, I like to intervene one step at a time:
- First, try to intervene from a distance by turning up the noise level of the sound machine. One reason we love the Hatch Sound Machine so much is that you can control it from your phone. Sometimes if you simply increase the level of white noise, it will be enough to soothe your baby and help them fall back asleep. (And if you can do that without getting out of bed, it is amazing.)
- Second, try to comfort my baby while they are still in their crib. You can place your hand on their chest, replace their pacifier, or rock them back and forth while they are still laying down.
- If those steps don’t work, it’s time to pick up your baby and rock them. Remember, a side or stomach hold might expedite the soothing process.
- If your baby is still sad, something else might be wrong. Check their diaper, feed them, or do whatever else you think is necessary.
I like to recommend that you slowly extend your beginning “pause”, as well as the steps in this process, as your baby grows older. (Ex. 1 minute at 1 week, 5 minutes at 10 weeks, etc.) Your baby will gain more and more of an ability to self-soothe as he or she grows, so the opportunity you provide them to do so should grow as well. I DO NOT recommend that you let your baby cry for a very long period of time, but small amounts of crying are not unhealthy for your baby—in fact, it can be very good for them to expend some energy. Of course, you should only ever do what you are comfortable with as a parent, but don’t forget that sleep is one of the best things you can give to a child. A couple minutes of crying that teaches your baby to sleep longer is ultimately a loving act, because it is healthier for your baby to be getting that sleep.
I am just another mom who has done some research, though, so I am not your authority. Ultimately, please pray about it, ask your pediatrician, and make the decisions that work best for your family! 🙂
Don’t Forget
Please remember to always provide your baby with a safe sleeping environment, which, according to the AAP and CDC, means: Alone, Back, Crib. Your baby should be alone (pacifiers are okay, but soft toys or loose blankets are NOT), set down on their back, in their crib or bassinet.
If you are particularly nervous about safe sleep, there are a number of useful products that can help ensure the safest environment possible. Some of the best ones I am aware of are:
- Owlet Smart Sock
- Nanit Monitoring System (you can get $20 off Nanit with my link!)
- Newton mattress (you can get $30 off a Newton mattress with my link!)
If anything, these products can also give you peace of mind and help YOU sleep better at night… which is the ultimate goal, right?!
I would love to hear any other baby sleep tips or helpful products you might have! What worked for you and your baby? Leave a comment below 🙂
Happy sleeping! (Hopefully!)
